In The Passing


CHARITY CANVASSER: Do you like animals, madam?

WOMAN: They’re very tasty, yes. Thank you.

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DRUNK WOMAN: Do I look pregnant to you?

DRUNK MAN: You will in five minutes.

MAN and WOMAN standing near entrance to store.

MAN (to WOMAN): Okay, great. Lovely to see you again. Take care.

They part.

MAN: Fucking nutter.

MAN: (frustrated) What the fuck’s wrong with this fucking photocopier now?

Man crouches and starts looking at flaps and doors, giving one or two a slap. Woman leans over and looks at the control panel.

WOMAN: It’s finished.

Roving reporter explaining about the damage done to roads in the South of England following the severe weather we’ve all been enjoying:

REPORTER: So if you discover a pothole, please tell your council so they can look into it.

The council doing anything other than just staring into a hole, I’m sure is implied.

Conversation overheard today in Stirling:

WOMAN (surprised): He didnae hink ah wiz a slapper!

MAN (indignant): Am no giein’ a fuck if he diznae hink you’re a slapper!

Can’t help but think I’ll get the gist of the rest of this conversation on the news tonight.