I’m not used to thinking about the shenanigans that might be going on in a Sicilian lemonade factory. Out of sight, out of mind is my standard position on the matter. And yet here I am.

This is the label from a Tesco bottle of pop. Or soda, if you prefer. Or juice if you’re Scottish.

The key information is just below the Allergy Advice warning. I’ve reorganised the order for dramatic effect, but here are Tesco’s pips of lemonade wisdom:

Recipe: No nuts.

Factory: No nuts.

Ingredients: Cannot guarantee nut free.

Eh? What on earth is going on in that factory? Whose nuts are getting dunked like teabags into my bloody lemonade? And if I pay a little extra, can I get that guarantee, please?