I’ve wanted to do this for a while. Take a tenner, and short of any monetary alchemy, turn that tenner into a thousand pounds. Doing this, will require the gift of gambling. Not ideal, I know, but as my dear old mum says, Ye kin only pish wi the coak yeve goat.

I started my slow quest yesterday by depositing £10 into my BetFair account. The rules are self-imposed and simple. Bet the lot on something. Stop when I get to a thousand pounds.

So yesterday, I stuck a tenner on Mario getting his tanned ass kicked out of Big Brother. It happened. I now have £13.20.

Now, rather than taking my time and plotting my next flurry carefully, I’ve gone and stuck the lot on England to win the cricket against South Africa. It’s at three to one-ish, which are attractive Sweeneys but in all likelihood, the game is heading for a draw. So my first chain may well end at one successful bet. And that’s not even a chain.

The long and short of this ill-guided wager is that I’m now settling down to watch the game on Sky, praying that England can bowl them all out cheaply today, force them to follow-through and then choke their chickens or something tomorrow. I almost sound like I know what I’m talking about.

Either way, win or lose, I’ve gone and ruined my own weekend. I wonder what the odds were on that happening.

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