I try to avoid Britain’s Got Talent because … well, it’s a horrible spiteful show that brings back the Victorian sideshow and it celebrates children’s sickeningly cutesy talents to roars and tears when neither are truly earned. But I caught five minutes of it the other night (five-year-olds dancing … what’s wrong with this country?) and the thing that stood out above any supposed talent on show was what the hell has happened to Amanda Holden’s face?

I may be behind the times in this, and if so I apologise, but she used to look like this:

and now she looks like this:

What the photo above doesn’t quite capture is the sheer shininess of the head. And if my sources are correct, there’s eight and a half minutes between each photo.

So what the hell happened? But if we ever need it, here’s a reminder to us all that if Lesley Ash claims to be able to put us in contact with someone she knows, maybe we don’t make that call. Hm?